Coming Soon : Anatomy of a Good Adult Game

Presently the Android app store is missing that adult spark... that is actually worth playing and isn't a Trojan horse for data miners looking to sell your likes to Nabisco, McDonald's, Coke and every other company looking to improve sales. This series of articles takes s present game from the android store and improves it. For instance..

Inspired by Pocket Gems Campus Life
How utterly baffling. Even EA's Sims had a naughty element that could pass muster with the android app store in the beds characters could lie in and have sex in sight unseen... but I crank it up to 30 in this full on all lesbian sex game mod.

Inspired by Game Insight' Mystery Manor
When I first met the static image of the manor' s maid, she was hiding in the bedroom closet proclaiming she was naked... of course static image so nothing... now how about a Playboy Mansion SIM game meets hidden object where you pick your gender scenario, and wander about completing hidden object quests to strip and... adult game. Something that never happens in modern adult games.

That is just the start of enlightenment... that will never  happen as long as flashing barely visible single titty makes millions of conservofascists heads explode. Still... well, I am going to dream all the same.

Failure to Launch : Giant Mobile' Sexy Sinema California Girls Volume 1-3

Remember when I said the Android app store would be pretty empty of adult content if they actually applied some quality control on the stuff they post? This is one of those fillers that wouldn't make the cut.

Supposedly a batch of 3 ladies with 3 minute videos this should be the simplest thing to pull off even for Giant Mobile... except from the complaints in the review section they can't even do t gat without rolling out a crash buggy mess that fails instantly on launch... on the bright side GameLoft' s Men in Black 3 now has company in the insta-fail category.

I would say this is a joke app, but Giant Mobile is actually charging $2 or 200 credits a pop for something that refuses to load properly, forget play. Why this hasn't been purged from the android app store is obvious, if they actually tried to apply serious quality control standards on these there would be practically no adult content that would meet standards... that doesn't mean you have to waste money on trash. As I see it? You want my money, Giant? Fix this trash and prove to me you deserve it. Otherwise go to sleep, Giant Mobile, here is your Jigglypuff!

I'd like to say this is a rarity, but truth is telling you about an adult title worth owning is the sad rarity. So stay tuned, more fail coming up.

Summer 2013 Day 18 : And your not over at Newground because...

Oh, right, tablets are another frontier of anti flash player devices that won't let you use flash, keeping you from using Facebook social games as well as sites like Newgrounds. My bad.

Point is even the best Android app adult title would be a low rated title on Newground, whose adult games would never get anywhere near the Android app store. Even then? Way too many titles would get a Jigglypuff sight unseen from all the horror stories in the reviews section. Games that crash, data mining games, useless games, flawed games, alot of these should never have made it onto the Android store in the first place... only if they actually tried to quality control the adult content there would be practically nothing to look at. Alot of it is that flawed and messed up.

Well, hopefully next time I manage to find something worth reviewing. Stay tuned.

Tablet Review : ViMap Services Sexy 4 Card Poker

This should be old hat by now... and we are only on review #2... sigh.

Another so called Adult game with Teen quality cheesecake photos of ladies in lingerie or swimsuits. At best, if you want to call it the game's best point, the game's gimmicky card game is at least fresh. You are dealt 5 cards, and have to drop 1 for the best hand possible. That means quick short hands of cards... but to what end? From my understanding the static images are completely random everytime a new hand is dealt, so your not even trying to strip ladies in this game. You just play cards, and look at random images. That's it.

On the bright side the card game is at least New, if very limited without options to play other card games. Also some of the images are nice, even if shortly seen without a strip poker option. Well... a 2 out if 5. A short stack of pointless but at least it's... ok.

Sadly I have a bad feeling it will be hard to find a game that rises above "acceptably mediocre" but we will see w hat we can do. Stay tuned.

Tablet Review : Someone Irrelevant's Naughty Secretary Game

Continuing our irrelevant non adult adult games we next check out Naughty Secretary Game, by Someone Irrelevant. The premise? A rather simple strip the lady game... except for the fact there are far more games like this on the internet, where you strip her bare and ultimately have sex with her... spoiler, this game doesn't round to home base.

Not worth it. The game is heavily dependent on ads, and the desire to gather your information to sell to companies in order for them to cater ads to you... all for a short pointless game of tap the virtual button in order to collect little devils in order to strip a Jessica Rabbit clone... for all of five minutes, then the game ends at third base with her stripped to her undies and that's it... oddly it's the farthest I have seen a game on Android make a woman naked, and it is still unrecommendable. A 1 out of 5.

Tablet Review : Intdroid's Sexy Puzzle Game

A simple enough premise, rotate the image blocks until you got a cheesecake image of a lady in a swimsuit or lingerie, the game (for me) could never play past one go, constantly shutting down after one puzzle was completed. Maybe this was because I wad reviewing the free version, but that was more than enough for me let me tell you.

- The images, the few I did, were all Teen level risque. I saw better on xbooru.
- The puzzles are way too easy, not even challenging you in that respect.
- The overall presentation is lackluster and dull.

All that combined brings us to the score, a weak sauce 1 out of 5. I'd like to say better is coming... but don't hold your breath, alot of this content look weak. Stay tuned.

Time to Review... Older Teen games?

Let's face it, mainstream devices short of the PC couldn't muster the guts to post a real adult game... but they try, oh they do so try. The biggest home of these failed attempts at non adult games is the present gen of smartphones and tablets... So let's start grinding some reviews of these and see what they're like.... spoiler, they are no Japanese hentai games... oh, I will also talk about titillating non adult games, for one reason or another, in Eye Candy Review. Stay tuned.